I hope I get SANE people in the mail
by Hikaru-Suzumiya
Summary: This is my first fanfic! Please be nice! This is based on LolliDictator's manuals. :3
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: *fangirl squeals* WHEE~ my first fanfic! Also think of this as an anime-ish thing. I also write of my best friend here. Love you, Ang!~ I don't own APHetalia, MacBooks, or the manuals. This was based off of LolliDictator's manuals. So enjoy~**

First off, let's start off with the basics. My name is Bianca. I'm 172 centimeters tall. Or 5"6'. I have wavy white shoulder-length hair. I have heterocromania, which means I have different colored eyes. The right eye is blue while the left is brown. I think that shows off my heritage. I'm half Italian and half Russian. That also explains my skin color. Since I can't describe it, I'll put it this way: I'm tan compared to light-skinned people, and pale compared to tan people. I am described as an "otaku", "tsundere", and I can be "hikikomori" if I wanted to. Definitions: it means I'm a Japanese nut and I can sit inside all day and watch anime all day and be antisocial if I wanted to. I spend most of my time on the internet. The most apparent of my personality is probably my "attraction" to cute boys. You know how some people say, "some people fall in love; other people step in it"? Well, I'm the kind of person who STEPS in love. I can't walk through the mall without squeeing in my head because of a cute guy. That's probably why I love Hetalia so much. It's pretty much cute guys and stereotypes mashed into one anime, which is "awesome," if I might add. So I'm only 13, in 8th grade. I'm rooming with my best friend, Angelique. She's very pretty. **[A/N: THERE WILL BE NO YURI OR YAOI IN THIS FIC.] **She has light blond hair and clear blue eyes. She's half French, and half Texan. **[A/N: Yes, she is partly from Alfredo's glasses. And by Alfredo, I mean Alfred.] **She is really nice. She likes to shop and sing. By the looks of it, she'll be a singer when she graduates. We room together because her parents died and my parents are always on business trips. My parents are filthy rich. My dad is a computer engineer. I don't know what my mother's job is. She never tells me. I get the occasional call from them both. So let's go to present day.

"Angelique! Where's the cereal!" "You ate it all!" "Oh." "Yeah. We have toast! DIE POPUPS!" "Why exactly are you on the computer right now!" "I had to check my e-mail! Come check this out!" "Okay!" I run from the kitchen to the living room. Angelique (or Angie as I call her) is sitting, hunched over her MacBook. She lifts her head up and gestures me over. "I got an e-mail from. . ." She moves the mouse around a bit, then she clicks on something. "Gah! Stupid pop-ups!" "ANGELIQUEDON'TCLICKTHEX!" **[A/N: she said, "Angelique don't click the x!"] **"Whut?" She looks confused as I read the pop-up over her shoulder. "Get your own Hetalia units. Click here." I just look at her. "ARE YOU CRAZY! THEY'RE **HETALIA CHARACTERS **FOR PETE'S SAKE! They could be like little dolls! Or like robots. . ." I trailed off in thought. I chose that time to lunge at the computer. I turn it to me, and then click the "YES" button. "What in the name of THE FLYING MINT BUNNY did you do?" I giggled at the use of the Flying Mint Bunny's name. We use that instead of cuss words, since we both don't like cuss words. "I ordered them. Who knows! Maybe I'll get something for my Hetalia collection?" "I don't think so." She crossed her arms and gave me a death stare. My Italian instincts told me to run away as fast as possible. Thankfully, I heard the toaster's little _ping _sound of the deafening silence. I run as fast as possible to the kitchen. I pull the butter out of the fridge and started buttering the toast. I was silently freaking out inside because I was afraid of what will happen. And boy, did I have a reason. But you'll find that out later on.

**A/N: So how was it! And for future reference to the disclaimers, check this chapter. I'm too lazy to write it again.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Yes, the second one came up "so soon." So enjoy~ For disclaimers, check the 1****st**** chapter. And by the way, the story is all from Bianca's point of view. Sorry the rating went up! SHAME ON YOU PRUSSIA. And Bianca's last name is Vasiliev.**

"Angie, what time is it?" "4:30 in the afternoon. Why?" "I'm tiiiiired." I flop down on the couch. The doorbell rings. Since I'm too lazy to get up, Angie gets the door. "Can I help you?" A male voice answers out of nowhere. "Yes. I'm delivering two packages for. . ." There was a slight pause. "Bianca Vasiliev." "I'll get her for you. BIANCA! THE MAILMAN'S HERE!" I get up and walk to the door. "Can I help you?" "Yes. Ms. . ." He looks at the clipboard in his hands. I swat the air in his direction. "Call me Bianca. Wait. Are those the units?" The man nods. He pushes the clipboard towards me with a pen. "Sign here please." I nod and sign. "Enjoy your units." He hands me two booklets. He's already gone by the time I close the door. I shut the door and look at the booklets in my hands. They both read names on the front. I flip through the manuals. Wow. I look up. Angie stares at me. "So what's in the boxes?" I just walk over to one of the smaller boxes. I open it up. I see a white fuzz ball. I grin widely. I push the small black spot on it. Its eyes open up. "Who're you?" "My name is Bianca." I open one of the large boxes. A person that looks scarily like Canada from Hetalia stares at me. I move aside as the person picks up the bear and sits down. I smile. "Hello Matthew. My name is Bianca. My friend over there is named Angelique. She's half French." His eyes glimmer. "Y-You can see me?" I smile more and nod. He blushes a bright cherry red. I grin. I suddenly snap back to real life. "Angelique, lead him to the kitchen. I bet he's hungry. Hm? Angelique?" I just wave the air in front of her eyes. She's probably dumbstruck. "Angelique." I say it with such a stern voice she snaps her head to face mine. "He's CANADA. Not France. **CAN. A. DA**." His face blushes another, deeper red. She nods. She smiles. She talks to him. "Would you like something to eat?" His face does another number of red. "Y-You can see me t-too?" She nods. "Come on. The kitchen is this way." He smiles. I squee internally. He's just so ADORABLE! I sadly snap back to real life. I run down the stairs, into the garage, and open the so-deemed "alcohol fridge," because we save the alcohol for our parents and other adults. I take some "authentic german beer" out of the fridge. Just two cans, in fear that he'll finish the rest of the beer. I pour some beer on top of the box. I open the box. As soon as I just opened the lock on the box, someone dashed out of the box. He looks around hungrily. He spots me with a half-empty beer can in one hand and the unopened one in the other. His face twists into this creepy smirk. He walks over to me. His red eyes bore through my oddly-colored ones. "I would ask for the beer, but I want you more." Shoot. It's his "rape face." He slips one arm around my waist and angles my face in front of his. He closes his eyes and leans in. I hear the sound of metal come in contact with a head. Gilbert's eyes **[A/N: If you haven't guessed it's him by now, YOU ARE SLOW.]** snap open and he falls to the side. I see a ticked Angie holding a frying pan in both hands. She drops the frying pan on his face. "And THAT's what you get for assaulting my best friend." She dusts both hands off and walks into the kitchen to grab something to eat. Poor little Mattie walks out of the kitchen and sees the beat up remains of Gilbert. His eyes go wide and his face pales. "What happened to him?" he asks me. "I got him out of the box, he 'assaulted' me, and Angie hit him in the head with a frying pan. That also explains the bump on his head and the frying pan on his face. Help me get him on the couch, will you?" I set the beer cans on the table. By the time I set the beer cans on the table, Mattie has Gilbert on the couch. "Gosh, Mattie, that was fast. Now, I'll go get an ice pack." He nods and walks out of the room. I grab an ice pack from the fridge. (Think those retro ones that look like dumplings.) I set the ice pack on his head. He grunts in pain. I apologize immediately. "I'm so sorry!" "It's ok. I'm not hurt." I sit back down, wearing a face of disapproval with my eyebrow raised as his eyes open up. "What's your name?" "If you try to make a move again, I will personally hit you in the head with a water pipe." He smirks. "Like you would want to hit this much awesomeness." "Like I wouldn't crush your vital regions." His face instantly shows his fear. "That's so unawesome. You're worse than Hungary." I grin. "Why thank you. Now, would you like to eat something? _Kaliningrad_." I grin evilly. He began to nod, but paused at the last word. "I want some wurst." "Also, I have the permission to call you that because I'm half Russian." "You're still hot." I resist the sudden urge to knee him in his vital regions as I pull wurst out of the fridge.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hello~ I'm here again~ If you haven't guessed by now, I put the title to "predict" the next character. Wink wink. And also, Angie can pull a frying pan out of thin air. For disclaimers, check the first chapter.**

The next day didn't start off good. We have TONS of rooms in this house. Me and Angie share a room. We told Gilbert and Mattie to pick rooms. Mattie picked the 'red room,' a room we painted red. Dad put in all his souvenirs from Canada in there too. I grinned as Mattie slowly shuffled into the room. He's so ADORABLE! Gilbert's room picking went a bit like this. "I want to sleep in Bianca's room." "NO WAY IN TEXAS WILL THERE BE A TIME WHEN YOU SLEEP WITH ME!" He finally settled for the room across from ours'. I just raised an eyebrow, since Angie and I call that room 'The Ivan Room,' since it's painted yellow, and is filled with Russian souvenirs. Now, let's fast forward to this morning. I wake up, and I see Gilbert's smiling – smirking - face. Yes, audience, he is AWAKE. His crimson eyes bore right through mine. He wrapped his arms around my waist overnight. Or, he sneaked into my room after I fell asleep and wrapped his arms around me. That beer-drinking B*STARD! Anyways, he SLEPT WITH ME. Let's hope my virginity is still intact. "Gilbert. WHAT WERE YOU DOING IN MY BED!" I try to get out of bed, but his arms tighten around me. "I couldn't resist." He smirks and leans in. I curl into a ball and cover my face. He tries to get my face to look at him, but I resist. "ANGELIQUE! HE'S IN MY BED!" Thank the Flying Mint Bunny she's always near me. I hear a clang, and then his arms loosen around me. I get out of bed. Thank the Flying Mint Bunny he's wearing boxers. But he unbuttoned my pj's so that it shows of my . . . ehrm. . . assets. **[A/N: She isn't very comfortable about her chest. She has a right to. She's almost as . . . big as Ukraine.] **I quickly button up my pajamas. I turn to Angelique. "From now, we're LOCKING the door." She nods. She taps his nose with the tip of the frying pan. "He needs manners." I nod. I walk down to the kitchen. Mattie turns around and I suppress the sudden urge to laugh. He's wearing a frilly white apron over his jeans and red hoodie. He smiles. "I made breakfast for everyone." I squeal and hug him tightly. "You're so CUTE!" "You never say that about anyone as awesome as me." I turn from where I was nuzzling Mattie to the entrance of the kitchen. Gilbert's wearing a dress shirt he has unbuttoned, showing off his Iron Cross. He's also wearing boxers. For someone who fangirls at practically everyone who appears on screen, this would be a DREAM. I just stand there, blushing madly. I'm about as red as Mattie's hoodie. He smiles so seductively, I think I've died and gone to heaven. He walks over and kisses me. I honestly think I'm in heaven. I grab his collar and pull him down more. I swear I feel him smile. The thought of Angie walking in on us making out in the kitchen suddenly pops in my head. Sometimes I swear I have a sixth sense. "WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE FLYING MINT BUNNY ARE YOU DOING!" I hear Angelique scream. My eyes snap open as soon as I hear her voice. Sometimes I regret showing her the 'male pressure point.' You grab the guy's neck and squeeze. REALLY, REALLY hard. I think she used the pressure point on him, because he parts away from me. He snaps to where Angelique is standing, which is right behind him. "What's your OW problem! OW! Let OW go of OW me!" "Angelique, please let him go." "Humph. Fine." She lets him go. I just stand there, shocked. I just kissed one of my favorite Hetalia characters. NO WAY. I smile, and skip to the door, where the mailman is. He turns bright red at the sight of me in my pajamas. "Sign here. Units. Here. . ." He hands me the clipboard. "Leave them here." I gesture to the area behind me. "Here . . . Booklet . . ." His eyes seem fixated on my chest. Gilbert comes, still in his boxers. He looks at the delivery guy. He stands next to me and slips a hand around me. My eyes pop wide open. "She's mine. We slept together." He has this smirk on his face. I just stand there freaked out. I read the manuals and my eyes go wide. I would have been freaked out less if Gilbert's hand didn't move to my butt. I look up at him. "Gilbert. Russia's in one of these boxes. My big brother." He freaks out. "Your BIG BROTHER? I thought you. . ." He trails off and looks down. I choose that time to yell something out of thin air. "BROTHER!" I hear a muffled sob come out of the box. Gilbert freaks out. I walk over to the box. I open the box and see Russia, looking moe as ever. "You are not Natalya, da?" I smile. "Nyet. Ya tozhe iz Rossii . Ty moii brat." He looks dumbfounded. He grins this little childish grin. "Ty sestra moya!" He gasps. I nod and smile. He squishes me in this crushing hug. He loosens his grip around me and looks like he's going to murder someone. "You have been well, Kaliningrad." I grin the same grin he has on his face. "He slept with me last night by the way, after I told him not to." His grin intensifies and you can see the purple aura around him now. "You slept with sestra? This deserves a punishment, da?" "Ivan, nye ubit yeo." He grumps and sits down on the couch in the living room. I read the other manual. "Angie! Your brother's here!" Angelique dashes to where we are standing. "WHERE!" Her eyes look hungry as she eyes the unopened box. I read the manual. "Ang, get your MacBook. You'll need it to wake him up." She obediently gets the computer. "Hmm. . . To wake him up, you'll need to play 'Le Marseillaise' to get him up." "On it!" she declares as the drums and trumpets sound out of the laptop. [**A/N: I'm skipping this part, since I only listened to two seconds of it. ^^; ]** I flip through the manuals. I run upstairs to get dressed. I wash up and wear a grey t-shirt and black skinny jeans. I also look through my contact collection and find what I'm looking for. Perfect. Yellow cat-eye contacts. **[A/N: Did I mention she's an avid cosplayer? *looks back* Nope, nope.] **I grab my cat ear headband and slip it on as I walk downstairs. I see everyone staring at me. France makes a purring sound. Angelique hits him in the head with a frying pan. Gilbert has his 'rape face' on again. Angelique sounds deadly. "**Sit down, before I crush your vital regions**." He looks scared as he sits back down. Ivan talks next. "Ti vigliadish ochin." I smile. "Spasibo, brat." Angelique looks confused. "Should I hit him?" "Nope. It was just a compliment." Mattie is bright red again. I smile and plop down next to Ivan. "So, are we going to the mall today or what? They need new clothes and we need food." Francis twitches. "Did _mademoiselle_ say somezing about ze mall?" I giggle at his French accent. "Yes, Francis. We are going to the mall." "What are you waiting for? Let's go!" He hops up and walks to the door. Since my parents are FILTHY RICH, I pushed a credit card into Francis' chest. "Francis, we have to wait for the limo driver to come, so he can drop us off at the mall." He grins and then embraces me. I can feel his warm breath on my ear and his hands are at the base of my shirt. He tries to get the shirt off of me, but the clang stops him. I see a pipe and frying pan in the air where his head was. I smile. "Thanks Angie. Spasibo, brat." Angie looks at me. "It means thank you in Russian. And don't worry. We're brother and sister now." I think for a bit, and then look up. "Mattie! Angelique! You're related to each other!" Mattie looks confused. "W-What are you t-talking ab-bout?" I smile at the stuttering. "Angie here is half French. That means you're related." He nods. "So are we going shopping or not?" Almost everyone nods. Except Ivan. I look at him. "Ya kuplyu podsolnechnik." He nods happily. I grin. I hear a beep outside. "Let's go!" I punch the air and run outside. [A/N: I'm going to summarize what happened at the mall in 2 sentences. Francis bought a lot, even for the future units, and they got discounts on everything. And Ivan almost broke Francis' arm because they almost forgot the sunflowers.] The doorbell rings as soon as I flop down on the couch. Ivan is sitting next to me, snuggling his flowers. "Francis, can you get that?" "Ok! Can I 'elp you?" Francis' sounds out his French as he opens the door. "I have two packages for Bianca Vasiliev." "Bianca! Mon cheri, there are two packages for you~" He sings. "I heard," I grumble as I rub my temples. "Who did I get this time?" "You got Italy and the completion of the Bad Touch Trio." I groan as I sign the clipboard. He hands me the manuals. I grin so large, Francis is scared from the sudden change. "Anglique~ Onii-san's here~" She dashes in. I read the manual. "Angelique, open the box." She grins and nods. Just before she reaches the lock, I stop her. "Lemme get my camera." "Kay!~" I spot the camera and press the record button. "GO!" After I say that, I hear muffled sobs. "Help me! Anyone? Fratello? Germany? Help!" Queue the muffled sobs. Angelique opens the box. Something jumps into her arms and hugs her tightly. "Thank you so much signora!" Her face is as red as a cherry. I giggle. "Aw. Look at the future _couple_." Her face snaps to where I'm standing. "Oh. Don't forget Mr. Romania! You could get him off your hands with Feliciano!" She nods and turns to him again. "My name's Angelique. What's yours?" "My name's Feliciano! You can call me Feli!" She nods and smiles. He grins. "Help?" I nod as Angelique uses this as my queue. "IO SONO ITALIANO!" I throw my hands up in the air and yell it out loud. He turns his attention to me. "Facciamo PASTA!" He nods and dashes to the kitchen. Angelique smiles. "I knew your roots would come in handy one day." "What you mean by roots? I thought she Russian." I smile. "Brother, I'm half Russian, half Italian." He nods and continues snuggling his sunflowers. [A/N: A few minutes later . . .] I dropped down on the couch exhausted. The Bad Touch Trio is sitting at the table, 'sharing secrets' or something like that, and staring at me and Angie. I plop down across from the guys and start eating my pasta. "Well, **I** slept with her. That has to count for something." I roll my eyes at the albino and continue eating. After I'm done eating, I wash the plate. While I'm washing the plate, Gilbert decides to make a move. He slips a hand around my waist and leans in really close. I smirk and sponge his face. "There. Now your face is cleaner now." He walks off and find a bathroom to wash his face off in. "Good job Bianca! You learned self-defense from me!" She grins and hugs me. I smile. "So how about it? You can get Mr. Romania off your hands with Feliciano." She grins. "It's high time for that, hun." She smiles. I smile too.


	4. Author's Note

**Author's Note: First of all, forget about the chapter title remark in the previous chapter. Second, here are the translations for Russian and Italian in the last chapter. **

**Russian:**

**Nyet. Ya tozhe iz Rossii . Ty moii brat: No. I am Russian. You are my brother.**

**Ty sestra moya: You are my sister**

**Sestra: sister**

**nye ubit yeo : don't kill him**

**Ti vigliadish ochin: You look pretty**

**Spasibo, brat: Thank you, brother**

**Ya kuplyu podsolnechnik: I'll buy sunflowers.**

**Onii-san (Japanese): Big brother**

**Italian:**

**Fratello: Brother**

**Io sono italiano: I'm Italian**

**Facciamo pasta: Let's make pasta**


End file.
